Robin Williams (Surprise!) Hates Ferrets

The new big news is that Robin Williams hates ferrets.

http://www.contactmusic.com/news/robin-williams-hates-ferrets_1278922

Am I the only one who isn't surprised by this? As far back as I can remember, Robin Williams has not struck me as the type who would get along with animals. He is jittery, loud, and in constant motion -- things that are great if you are a rodeo clown or are trying to entertain people with very short attention spans. But not so good if you want to be around animals. Animals don't like people who constantly demand their attention in a creepy and freaky way. And that's how Williams makes his living.

I don't think that supreme narcissist Robin Williams would even be interested in owning a pet -- ANY pet -- especially one as curious and independent as a ferret. According to every source on record, including his own on-stage confessions, Williams needs high levels of bizarre stimuli to enjoy himself. Not for Williams are the gentle and subtle joys of ferret ownership. I'll bet that Williams wouldn't even notice a ferret in his room unless that ferret came with six kilos of cocaine and a dozen 14-year-old Guatemalan whores of indeterminate gender.

So really, I'm not surprised that he doesn't like ferrets. All mention of hermaphroditic pedophilia aside, Robin Williams just isn't the type of person we'd want around ferrets. So maybe it's best that he doesn't like them. It's safer that way.